Quotes by Goran Ivanisevic

* The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself.

* I wouldn't want to go to a sports psychiatrist, because when you're finished, you come out more crazy than you go in.

* I still break rackets, but now I do it in a positive way.

* My fines? I pay more fines than some guys' career prize money on the tour.

* I think it's interesting, you have three movies in one match: horror, comedy, drama. It's fun. I enjoy it. I am like that. I don't like to change. And if I could choose, I would be the same again. Just me, and I like who I am.

* In every game I play there are three players in me that could surface anytime, Good Goran, Bad Goran, Crazy Goran! They can all serve aces.

* I have so many runner-up cups that I am thinking of starting my own tea shop.

* I do not want that 'plate' again --- coming into his fourth Wimbledon final having lost the three others.

* Today's players, they do not know how. If you are going to throw it, you break it. You have to show commitment --- on throwing rackets

* I'll go kill myself --- after losing the Wimbledon 1998 final against Pete Sampras

* I woke up at 2 and went back to sleep at 3, I woke at 4 and went back to sleep at 5, when I next woke The Teletubbies were on TV, so I thought it must be time to get up --- on his night's sleep before the 2001 Final

* I don't understand it. She was no. 1 in the world and she retires. She was such an unbelievable player and could have won more Grand Slams. I don't know why she did it. Maybe it's a woman thing. I don't understand women. It's very sad for tennis .. a big loss --- speaking about the sudden retirement decision of Justine Henin while at Number 1

* It's just hitting; it's only 33 aces, that's not so good --- after his 1992 Wimbledon quarterfinal win against Stefan Edberg.

'sin'ister report from vatican

The Vatican recently released a report which says that men and women sin differently. While the most common sin for women was pride, men sin in their urge for sex. This report was created from the data that they gathered from the confession box.

What is funny is that, apart from the 7 original sins they have come out with a list of 7 modern sins. So, now we have 14 sins to contest with and classify people. The original sins were pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. And the newly added modern sins are genetic modification, experiments on the person, environmental pollution, taking or selling illegal drugs, social injustice, causing poverty and financial greed. Unstoppable globalization, they feel, is the reason for the modern sins.

It also stated that men often fell prey to lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed; and women fell prey to pride, envy, anger, lust and sloth. The Vatican may have come out with their findings, but I am not sure if anyone is reading them.

don't be concerned about public opinion ... just save your ass

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.